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Wednesday, January 3, 2024

FINALISTS FOR "MISS RUSSIA 2024" ANNOUCED EARLY

 

In 2024 Russians will be asked to choose

The finalists for this year's "Miss Russia" beauty pageant have been announced several months ahead of time.

They are Svetlana Putinova, a 22-year-old Novichok technician from Mtinsk and "Sasha" a large carp from the Volga that swallowed too much Polonium. 

According to trusted news source Russia Today, the announcement was made earlier this year in order to avoid a clash with Russia's other main "democratic" event in 2024, namely the Presidential election, which will take place in March. Russia's voters are expected to be offered a stimulating choice between Putin, several Putin doubles, and a giant steaming bucket of sick.

The ballots will then be dumped down a disused mineshaft in Siberia for safekeeping in case of a nuclear war, or in case the bucket wins.  

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