America appears to have lost its latest war because the country it went to war with was the wrong shape.
In previous wars that America has lost, the reasons were because the enemy country had zero population or too many beavers (Canada), too difficult to find on a map leading to resupply issues (Afghanistan), or had difficult-to-pronounce place names, causing American soldier's to suffer PTSD (almost everywhere).
However, this is believed to be the first time that America has lost because the enemy country was the wrong shape. In particular, one part of the country, known as the "Straight of Hormuz," wasn't even straight, but was instead bent at an "ugly" angle making "war math" difficult, while also limiting the supply of "gas" on the global market, forcing innocent Americans to use public transport.
As for the rest of the enemy country, it was an unsightly non-isosceles or scalene trapezoid with triangular propensities, something that deeply unnerved US military planners.
Another problem cited by the Pentagon was that the country was "up-and-down" and "full of rocks," but this is textural issue, so it can only be considered a contributing factor rather than a main cause leading to America's shameful humiliation.
Due to this setback in US military ambitions, calls have been made in Congress to set up a Department of Military Geometry to ensure that America's brave heroes only go to war with countries of the right shape in future.
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