President Drumpf has announced the US will raise tariffs on Chinese ketamine by "around 500%." This follows an incident at the White House in which a prominent ketamine addict failed to control his bladder successfully, and instead soiled several expensive new rugs in various parts of the White House.
Speaking to reporters at the White House, Trump said the carpets in the Oval Office were "totally ruined" and that the corridor he had to use to access the Rose Garden "now smelled like an old people's home after the care workers had been sent back to Mexico."
Trump added that the new tariff would "punish China" for exporting "oil tankers" of the diuretic drug to the United States, and claimed that it would also create millions of US jobs and raise "hundreds of billions" in additional revenue.
In a further announcement, Trump revealed that he had secured trillions in funding "from the King of Saudi Arabia and the Emperor of Japan" to build a giant carpet cleaning works that would be capable of handling "thousands of White House carpets" no matter how many times incontinent tech billionaires tapped their kidneys on the floors of the White House; although he later admitted to reporters that he had yet to see or approve the final deal.
The identity of the ketamine addict involved in the latest "White House leaks" remains something of a mystery, except that he is said to have an interest in tech, social media, electric cars, space rockets, and pissing all over the place like a burst fire hydrant.
The identity of the ketamine addict involved in the latest "White House leaks" remains something of a mystery, except that he is said to have an interest in tech, social media, electric cars, space rockets, and pissing all over the place like a burst fire hydrant.
Imitating Captain Kirk by going where no man has gone before.
The announcement comes amid a court battle over the legality of some of Trump's other global tariffs, which an appeals court has allowed to continue after the Court of International Trade ordered the administration to halt the taxes. However, the tariff on ketamine is not effected by the lawsuit.
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