GERMAN MAN WITH GIANT RUSSIAN HAND STUCK UP HIS ASS NAMES MARCH "IRISH HERITAGE MONTH"

Not sure if it's the Russians or the syphilis signing this

A German man with a giant Russian hand stuck up his ass, has signed yet another meaningless piece of paper, this time claiming that March is "Irish Heritage Month." 

The surprise announcement was made when the man, who now occupies the office of the US President (between assassination attempts), flipped over his desk calendar and noticed that the 17th of March was St. Patrick's Day.

After his advisors explained to him who St Patrick was (a 5th century Welsh saint who disliked snakes), the large orange-coloured Teutonic individual decided there-and-then to re-name March as "Irish Heritage Month." 

In recent weeks the man whose grandparents migrated to America from the German state of Bavaria for unknown reasons, has been signing many other pieces of paper and holding them up to TV cameras while trying to say something 'cute.'

This time he said, with reference to Irish Americans:

"They’re a great people. And they voted for me in heavy numbers so I like them even more. You have to like them. You know, you’re not supposed to but you have to like them."

This comment was supposed to be humorous and a little ironic, but just ended up sounding like the mentally deranged ramblings of someone with late-stage syphilis.

On other pieces of paper signed in recent days, the amber-hued German with a possibly degenerative psychotic illness, renamed a bit of ocean, raised tariffs for 5 minutes before dropping them, declared Gaza a holiday resort, and launched a disgusting shit coin to bribe himself.

Meanwhile the giant Russian hand stuck up his ass and reaching all the way into his tiny animal brain has manipulated him into denouncing NATO and ending US military assistance to Ukraine.