Lardass golfer
Mad boomer President, Donald J. Trump, in a desperate attempt to stay on top of a news cycle beaten into a stupor of indifference by his increasingly pointless and insane "policy swings," has renamed the ancient sport of Golf as "The Golf of America."
The move follows similar lamebrained moves by Trump to rename random bits of ocean and to develop Gaza as a giant tasteless casino.
Political commentators close to Trump say that the aging and visibly demented President hopes the move will instil national pride in obese American sportsmen the same way that renaming rugby with helmets on, "American football," stirred patriotism in the early 20th century.
Despite having the disability of a giant Russian hand stuck up his arse since the 1980s, Trump has been a keen participant of golf, as the sport is ideally suited for cheating, with accomplished players able to drop an additional golf ball down their trouser legs to improve their scores.
Meanwhile, the move has been greeted with outrage in golf's previously acknowledged "national home" of Scotland, where Turnberry, a golf club used by Trump to launder bribe money from Russian oligarchs, was vandalised by protesters.
Although Scots claim to be the true "inventors" of golf, there is some dispute about this claim, with an alternative theory being that it was unwittingly invented by rabbits digging holes in the sandy coastal areas of Scotland.
According to this theory, "the hole" in golf is merely a rabbit hole, "the green" the area where rabbits could safely nibble the grass, "the rough" the area where they were picked off by eagles and other birdies, and "bunkers" the result of too much digging near the green. The Scots, however, did invent the flags, clubs, and balls.
The move follows similar lamebrained moves by Trump to rename random bits of ocean and to develop Gaza as a giant tasteless casino.
Political commentators close to Trump say that the aging and visibly demented President hopes the move will instil national pride in obese American sportsmen the same way that renaming rugby with helmets on, "American football," stirred patriotism in the early 20th century.
Despite having the disability of a giant Russian hand stuck up his arse since the 1980s, Trump has been a keen participant of golf, as the sport is ideally suited for cheating, with accomplished players able to drop an additional golf ball down their trouser legs to improve their scores.
Meanwhile, the move has been greeted with outrage in golf's previously acknowledged "national home" of Scotland, where Turnberry, a golf club used by Trump to launder bribe money from Russian oligarchs, was vandalised by protesters.
Turnberry
Although Scots claim to be the true "inventors" of golf, there is some dispute about this claim, with an alternative theory being that it was unwittingly invented by rabbits digging holes in the sandy coastal areas of Scotland.
According to this theory, "the hole" in golf is merely a rabbit hole, "the green" the area where rabbits could safely nibble the grass, "the rough" the area where they were picked off by eagles and other birdies, and "bunkers" the result of too much digging near the green. The Scots, however, did invent the flags, clubs, and balls.
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