In yet another desperate attempt by all White people everywhere to be "special," a White person wanting to be special in America, has wandered onto Donald Trump's golf course with a gun, hoping to shoot the Presidential hopeful.
The White Person in question, who has a long, unsuccessful history of trying to be special, was prevented from doing something extra special by some boring nobodies who were just doing their jobs -- although some of them possibly get up to some pretty weird shit on their time off. As for me, I collect stamps.
This latest desperate and radical attempt by White people to be special follows another such attempt by another White person, who recently forced the World's media to pay attention to his silly antics by carrying out a ridiculous space walk.
The White Person in question, who has a long, unsuccessful history of trying to be special, was prevented from doing something extra special by some boring nobodies who were just doing their jobs -- although some of them possibly get up to some pretty weird shit on their time off. As for me, I collect stamps.
This latest desperate and radical attempt by White people to be special follows another such attempt by another White person, who recently forced the World's media to pay attention to his silly antics by carrying out a ridiculous space walk.
This dumb and possibly self-destructive behaviour came hot on the heels of yet another White person trying too hard to be special. In this case, a White person in Belarus pumped himself up with steroids so much in an attempt to be "unique and interesting" to the point where he simply exploded into a giant puddle of steaming proteins.
Often this desperate need of all White people everywhere to "stand out a bit" can be channelled into relatively harmless areas, like weird food fads, such as drinking raw milk infected with botulism, or getting an embarrassing tattoo that later causes easily-treated necrosis, but more often than not it can prove deadly or at least tedious.
Scientists studying the phenomenon have blamed a mysterious condition called "the Faustian Spirit," which seems to afflict White people, for this malaise. While others have linked it to the period of extreme boredom caused by the Chinese-leaked coronavirus and the resulting lockdown.
Whatever the cause of this malady, keep a vigilant lookout for it. If you see any White people trying to be special, immediately tell them to calm down and remind them that their chances of being truly special are actually less than winning the lottery or being hit by lighting.
Also point out the subtle joys and slow rewards of being a drab member of the undifferentiated mass of dull humanity.
There is no cure, unfortunately.
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