THE LAUREN SOUTHERN SOAP

  

by Edwin Oslan

Thanks to that fatso Jeremy at the Quartering, whose lightweight anti-SJW videos are basically my lowbrow, reality TV-tier entertainment that I watch to unwind from work, instead of heading over to Tubi and scoping out one of their many fine spaghetti Westerns, I ended up binge watching a nearly three hour long quasi-documentary from Lauren Southern about what REALLY goes on in right-wing circles. And, typically of most things you binge watch, after you finish it off, you feel like complete garbage for having wasted all that time you could have spent watching I Am Sartana, Your Angel of Death or Django the Bastard.

And, keep in mind this is no knock against Lauren Southern. I personally have enjoyed many of her videos, and, in spite of what Milo Yiannopoulous claimed, I never once felt compelled to question if she actually wrote the scripts. In fact, and this may sound like a backhanded compliment, but I’d hate to think that Southern would need help to write her fairly standard, “AltLight”, pro-West, pro-traditionalism, anti-Muslim, anti-multiculturalism, anti-political correctness, and anti-feminist video content. Her videos are basic bitch starter material you give to people who have no idea about politics.

Furthermore, even though I think her “why I don’t need feminism and why multiculturalism is bad” videos are no great revelation, I enjoy her on the street videos where she goes to protests and asks people questions, or when she just goes to troll these events; like the time she went to a “slutwalk” dressed fairly slutty herself and held up a sign that read, “Regret isn’t rape.” The politically incorrect Halloween costume video she did with Faith Goldy was pretty funny as well, and I have to give props to anybody, especially a white woman, who risks life and limb to travel to South Africa to document how white people are slaughtered over there.

But there are those who feel Lauren Southern is running some sort of “grift.” I’m not sure what her “grift” is even supposed to be; money, fame, power? I sure as hell didn’t send her any money, and I’m not sure she’ll ever get that job at Fox after she called out Tomi Lahren’s neocon-ish support of Trump firing those rockets at Syria. On top of that, she just seems too naïve to be a “grifter” and actually gives me an “on the spectrum” vibe. I mean, she’d have to be kinda spergy to produce a three hour long video to address the concerns of a few thousand people, rather than just writing a blog post to clear the air, right?

I guess questions about her authenticity were raised when she disappeared from the political sphere and then reappeared again, and then Paul Joseph Watson tweeted like a madman about how Lauren Southern is a fake and doesn’t actually believe in anything she claims to stand for, when in actuality he was pissed off that she wouldn’t sleep with him. And there was some guy she worked with who has a really stupid name that I can’t pronounce who went off to work with some leftist media company, so a few people got on her case for associating with that guy, or something. Ugh, it’s all so confusing, and I have no desire to actually google any of this shit.

But I did watch her video, if only because I genuinely wanted to know what Fat Jeremy at the Quartering was talking about, and I found it fairly compelling entertainment. She talks about her life growing up and how she got into politics and how she got her start at Rebel Media, where Ezra Levant didn’t even pay her at first to make content, and how her first video, “Why I don’t need feminism” made her a youtube star overnight. Plus it was just a nice trip down memory lane back to those halcyon days of 2015/16 when anti-SJW and anti-wokeness groups coalesced into a legit grassroots movement which eventually led to the election of Donald Trump.

But, then, after talking about her own life and contributions to politics, she spends the next two and a half hours calling out Ezra Levant, Milo Yiannopoulous, Tommy Robinson, Faith Goldy, and Paul Joseph Watson for a plethora of offenses that basically all add up to one thing; many on the right are attention seeking narcissists who care more about themselves than the “cause”, so to speak. These revelations are pretty damning. And, I suppose if you’re a fan of these people, it will probably leave a bad taste in your mouth and make you feel kinda silly for having supported them.

And, just like a bad but addictive show with a lot of cliffhangers that you watch on Netflix, I kept watching and watching and watching, even though I have no dog in the fight and no interest in these all but forgotten 2010s political figures. I mean, I never even followed Tommy Robinson. He certainly looks like a football hooligan skinhead punter, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d assume he’s the leader of some National Front white power group. In actuality, he’s just a safe and standard free speech and anti-Islamist activist, and some girl I was Facebook friends with kept posting “Free Tommy” because he was unfairly put in jail or some shit. Turns out he’s also a bit of a dirtbag and throws his assistants under the bus when he’s in a pinch.

The one I knew most about was Milo, who I met and shot the shit with at the RNC. Obviously I was aware of this gay flamboyant brand of “conservativism”, along with his work for Breitbart and tacit support for the edgier, more racially oriented Alternative Right. Though I could have lived without his constantly reminding the world about how he takes dicks up the ass. Turns out he also embezzled money and had someone write his entire Dangerous book, and then went on to blackmail the writer instead of just paying him. Swell guy.

Then there’s Ezra Levant, the once popular main commentator of Canada’s answer to Breitbart, Rebel Media, who apparently doesn’t pay his staff for videos they make and then claims they’re blackmailing him; at least I think that’s what it was. I don’t remember and don’t care to go back and check. I already thought the guy was a bitch when he fired Faith Goldy for appearing on a naughty podcast. It’s like, he’s all, look at me, I’m the “free speech” guy, and I don’t care if what I say makes you uncomfortable; except when he isn’t. Yeah, I know, it was a “Nazi” podcast, and she’s a bit of an airhead for going on that show, but like, whatever. It's just talking to people.

But, as it turns out, Faith Goldy is a bit of a petty bitch herself, at least according to the Lauren Southern video. Another reason I’m compelled to think Lauren Southern is too naïve to “grift” is she did a video with Faith Goldy after Goldy was fired from Rebel Media. In other words, Goldy’s being on a “Nazi” podcast didn’t mean a thing to her. That’s what made it all the more disheartening to hear how Goldy got all jealous of Southern for doing a documentary on South Africa and cancelled her trip because she couldn’t have the monopoly on documentaries about white people being slaughtered in South Africa.

And, as mentioned and saved for the cataclysmic conclusion, Paul Joseph Watson unleashed a torrent of accusatory tweets at Southern just because she wouldn’t sleep with him.

Also, apparently, right-wingers do blow and bang loose sluts at various right-wing events just like the “degenerates” they yell at. Oh, and Stefan Molyneux and Alex Jones are cool.

Colin Liddell is right; this entire thing is a distraction. Not only did I waste nearly three hours watching this mess when I could have been watching westerns or reading Conan comics, but then I spent another few hours writing about it.

In the words of the Critical Drinker, "That’s all I’ve got for today. Go away now."