WELSHMAN GETS TWO-AND-A-HALF YEARS FOR IMPERSONATING A VIKING

Sven Longwanks (center)

A Welshman, who looks nothing like a Viking, has been sentenced to two-and-a-half for impersonating one online. The Welshman, James Allchurch, 51, for many years pretended to be a big, manly blonde Viking, called "Sven Longshanks," when in fact he was a hairy, simian-faced little Welsher with muttonchops, glasses, and a "girly" ponytail.

Allchurch also claimed to be Aryan, calling his podcast "Radio Aryan," after the fierce Hyperborean warrior race that conquered India three thousand years ago, even though Welsh people, like himself, are believed to be either (a) one of the lost tribes of Israel or (b) of African origin. 

As reported by the BBC: 

A jury at Swansea Crown Court found [Allchurch] guilty of 10 counts and not guilty of five.

Sentencing him, Judge Rees said the offending amounted to a "stain on our humanity".

Allchurch uploaded offensive podcasts to his website, Radio Aryan, since rebranded Radio Albion, between 2019 and 2021.

Even though Allchurch is Welsh, he frequently spoke of other races in a disparaging manner: 

During the trial earlier this year, the jury were played fifteen episodes of the podcast which included talk about hanging black and Jewish people, as well as playing a song advocating racial segregation. 

The judge also appeared to be offended by Allchurch's Welsh accent:

"The content of these podcasts were vile. Listening to them as the jury had to was a disturbing experience," he said.

Allchurch's main defence was that he had experienced a bump on his head in 2009.