VANCE "KILLS" POPE FOR NOT WEARING SUIT AND NOT BUYING ENOUGH AMERICAN SHIT

An artist's reconstruction of the deadly encounter

Breaking News. It looks like U.S. Vice President JD Vance may have "killed" Pope Francis, after the pontiff refused to wear a suit at their recent meeting at the Vatican.

During the tense meeting, an enraged Vance reportedly berated the ailing Catholic leader for several hours for his choice of clothing, a "disrespectful" white dress with a cross-like implement worn around his neck.

Vance is highly autistic and gets deeply upset if fellow world leaders refuse to wear ties or marry Indian women, but this time trade tensions are believed to have played a key role, with Vance insisting that the Vatican buy more Boeing jets and F-35s with which to attack fellow micro states San Marino and Andorra, in return for all the surplices, holy relics, and statuettes of the Virgin Mary that the US imports from the Vatican. 

The method used by Vance to cause the death of the previously healthy Pope is still unknown because security cameras were mysteriously "switched off" just before the fatal encounter.

One theory is that Vance used his thick black eye-liner to focus a "death ray" of pure malice and vile, putrid resentment to overpower the Pope's faltering life force, and then used the bleak yawning chasm of evil in his heartless void to suck out Pope Francis's tortured soul, leaving only a crumpled shell on the papal carpet for members of the Swiss Guard to find, as he made his escape. 

The daring attack on one of the World's top spiritual leaders has been compared to Liz Truss's 2022 ruthless "slaying" of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, during a visit to Balmoral.