A sad, lonely Russian man with eyes like piss-holes in the snow, has addressed the World's media begging pitifully for someone to come and unstuck his hands from his desk.
The man, who is believed to be living in a broom cupboard in the Kremlin or possibly under the stairs -- due to his weird pixie-like appearance -- spoke for several minutes while his tiny and flaccid hands remained rooted to the unforgiving wood to which they were clearly anchored.
The man, who is believed to be living in a broom cupboard in the Kremlin or possibly under the stairs -- due to his weird pixie-like appearance -- spoke for several minutes while his tiny and flaccid hands remained rooted to the unforgiving wood to which they were clearly anchored.
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During his short and panicky speech, the forlorn creature failed to mention how his digits became so inextricably linked to the upward-facing surface of his piece of office furniture, which is believed to have been made in Ukraine. But one theory is that he was mixing up a batch of Novichok in a hurry and accidentally created a strong Bonding agent.
Believe me, no pun intended
Another possibility is that it was merely a lowly office prank that went tragically wrong, with one of his colleagues, possibly a Chechen or a Kalmuck or a Buryat, putting superglue on his desk in a Third-World attempt to introduce a bit of mirth into the banterless silence in which they go about their hopeless and soulless administrative tasks.
Russian culture
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