PROBLEMS OF 9th CENTURY RUSSIA FINALLY SOLVED AT HISTORIC SUMMIT

Dumbass in the Donbas, Tucker Carlson

After more than a thousand years of neglect by the international community, including the Khazar and Byzantine Empires, the problems of 9th century Russia have finally been sorted out after an historic summit meeting.

Taking place in the Kremlin, the top-level diplomatic meeting, which appeared to last several days, involved Russian leader Vladimir Putin and CIA-reject Tucker Carlson, who could possibly be a remote descendant of Steppe dwellers.

During the endless discussion of Dark Age history, the two men agreed that a bunch of guys called Rurik or Olga or something, did something or said something important at some fishing village on the Dnieper that could serve as a pretext for starting wars in the 21st century. 

Unfortunately the Timurid Khanate and Qing Dynasty China have not yet been consulted on this historic agreement. 

Note: I wish this was satire, but it actually f**king happened and got hundreds of millions of views.