JIHAD AGAINST THE GAY STRAWS

Muslims in charge

by Edwin Oslan

Thank you, Muslims! In the hilarious sideshow known as woke, “intersectional” politics, where the progressive left crams a bunch of disparate groups (blacks, Orientals, gays, women, transsexuals, and Arabs/Muslims) together under one “big tent” of the oppressed – basically anyone who isn’t straight, white, male, and Christian – the Muslims of a little Metro Detroit burg called Hamtramck in the state of Michigan just passed an ordinance or law or some decree banning all displays of “Pride” from public government property.

Naturally the gays, lesbians, transsexuals, and other non-heterosexual types are pissed off, which is, of course, hilarious.

But, let’s talk about Hamtramck. Hamtramck is a tiny city within a city, where its limits are bordered on all sides by the more popularly known garbage dump called Detroit and a slightly lesser known garbage dumb called Highland Park. In fact, it’s in such close proximity with Detroit, that yours truly had his car stolen there! Weee! So, in other words, Hamtramck is essentially a couple squares miles of Detroit that just goes by another name. As such, this mini-city is basically pre-Giuliani scummy New York, where freaks and arty types live dirt cheap, braving a few muggings and car thefts, so they can avoid getting fulltime jobs, but mixed with the progressive political attitudes of Portland or San Francisco.

It’s basically where terminal teenagers, LARPing as punk rockers, metal heads, European soccer fans, goths, freaks, weirdos, and other assorted wannabe “anti-society” rebels, live and go to shoebox-sized bars that can’t be bothered to have proper wheelchair access, but serve their drinks with paper straws and decorate their walls with BLM signs and Pride flags, just so you know that they’re on the “right side of history”; some of these are even funded with cocaine money. I know because I go there all the time to the few clubs I’m not banned from. Don’t yell at me! I can’t help it if some of my favorite metal bands play these shithole little bars!

There’s just one tiny problem. The population of Hamtramck is heavily Muslim, and the council is entirely Islamic.

And, so, they banned all Pride displays from what’s considered public or government property. At first, I had a major hate boner from all the schadenfreude, mistakenly thinking the council made it illegal to even display pride swag on private businesses themselves, which would be ultra-hilarious. But, no, you can’t really DO that, because we still ostensibly have the first amendment.

"Invite the world, in-fight with the world"

However, just banning pride displays from public places is enough to raise the ire of the non-heterosexuals and their political “allies.” First of all, what’s considered a “public space”? Does that mean, you’re not allowed to have a Pride parade in a public park? I already saw a couple of fire hydrants defaced, er, I mean “decorated” with Pride stickers, which I know is a misdemeanor. So, as far as I’m concerned, just the logistics of such an ordinance will lead to some rather “interesting” conflicts in the future. What if someone puts up a flyer for a pro-Pride event on a telephone pole?

But, secondly, and more amusingly, how did the gays, lesbians, and transsexuals populating this little hipster burg not see this coming? I know some of these people are probably “Queers for Palestine”, but they can’t all be this stupid. Muslims are pretty vocal about how much they hate gays, lesbians, and transsexuals, and they actively execute them in their own countries. Did these morons think that, just because the progressive coalition thinks of them as victims of straight, white, male, Christian “oppression”, that they’d all of a sudden learn that “love is love”?

When defending these actions, council member Nayeem Choudhury said, “We want to respect the religious rights of our citizens,” and denied that the action was bigoted. “We love everybody. We don’t hate anybody. We don’t discriminate (against) anybody. We are living very respectfully without hate,” he said. But, come on…

Personally speaking, I have no dog in the fight. I tend to see the enemy of my enemy as my friend, and I think it would be hilarious if the Muslims went all the way and turned Hamtramck into Halaltramck, outlawing all alcohol, pork, and metal shows, having calls to prayer in the streets, and otherwise being a nuisance and a disruptive force for the hipsters and other woke jackasses living in this two or so square mile “city.” But I don’t want it branching outward into other parts of Metro Detroit. And, to be sure, I’ve been seeing more burqas on women’s heads nearly everywhere I go now, and I do wonder if we’re going to go the way of Sweden, France, and Germany, with their no-go zones and public “migrant” rape-a-thons.

On the other hand, everything has gotten so gay lately, with drag queens reading to little kids in schools, elementary school teachers teaching kids about “alternative lifestyles”, and, of course, the recent Bud Light and Target kerfuffles.  Apparently there’s going to be a protest in Hamtramck this upcoming Saturday, June 24th, and we all know that Muslims, Arabs, and other assorted dusky types aren’t afraid of getting their hands dirty. So, this should fun to watch.

But, at the end of the day, if the Muslims do end up taking over, could they please ban paper straws as well? Those are pretty gay too.  

It's kicking off! Is the LGBTQ+ community about to have its Charlottesville?