SPECULATION GROWS OVER JD VANCE'S UNUSUAL COUCH SITTING TECHNIQUE

Following the historic falling out of President Volodymyr Zelenskyy and "mineral enthusiast" Donald Trump at their recent meeting at the White House, speculation has continued build over the unusual couch sitting technique of someone else who was in the room with them at that same time, namely Vice President J.D. Vance.

Throughout the acrimonious meeting, Vance sat weirdly perched on an adjacent sofa, pointing his disgusting "soy beard" in the general direction of President Zelenskyy's small but perfectly formed "chad beard."

Meanwhile, onlookers noticed Vance's rather uncomfortable sitting posture, characterised by interlocking hands leaning heavily on his knees.

This is a typical sitting strategy of people keen to reduce the gravitational pressure on their rear ends. While many do this merely to stop a fart being too audible, in other cases it is because of more substantial damage to the "sensitive rear area," such as piles, a hernia, or the after effects of too much buttfucking.

Respected Twitterer SangerGlobalism was quick to side with the latter theory, stating that:

"JD Vance sits like he gets pounded in the ass."

This is an entirely plausible explanation, given the fact that Vance was spouting Kremlin talking points throughout the meeting, as the Kremlin is well known for blackmailing "secretly" gay Western politicians to do their bidding. Also lending credence to this theory is the fact that Vance got his start in politics through an overly close association with gay billionaire man Peter Thiel who has a thing about soft, pudgy guys like him.

However, there could be a more innocent explanation for Vance's unusual "ass-pounded-adjacent" sitting style.

As is well known, Vance is a former "couch fucking" incel of long-standing, who was sadly unable to attract a White women for many years, and finally had to settle for a mid-level woman of ethnic Indian origin.

Due to this clearly desperate and some would say "unnatural" alliance, Vance is now forced to live an "inauthentic" lifestyle, wearing odd clothing in private and consuming exotic and possibly toxic foods for which his puny body is simply not adapted.

While consuming super hot curries would not be a problem for the average Indian man, whose digestive track has evolved over millions of years to survive such brutal punishment and endless ass-blasting, it plays havoc with the delicate inner tubes of your average Western man like Vance.

In fact, nothing looks more like a real ass pounding than a soft White guy like Vance getting thermonuclear hell curry served to him seven nights a week by his loving wife.