"PRESIDENT SNOWFLAKE" BANS MEDIA FROM THE WHITE HOUSE

The world’s most powerful...impotent orange freak whose wife hates him, Donald J. Trump, has just awarded himself the FIFA Snowflake Prize by locking the doors of the White House to any news outlet that doesn't kiss his fat, stupid, diseased, diapered arse.

What a total loser!

On Friday the 80-year-old amber-coloured baboon threw a hissy-fit and announced, with all the gravitas of a toddler about to hyperventilate that CNN, MS NOW and Politico would no longer be welcome at his kiddie party.

“I am proud to announce that, effective immediately, I am banning Fake News CNN, MSNOW … and Politico … from the White House as a result of their constant ‘reporting’ FAKE NEWS!” he posted, before adding that “Other Fake News Media Outlets to follow.”

Asked later why a sitting president felt the need to play bouncer, President Snowflake explained the "profound constitutional principle" at work:

“There’s something wrong with a country that can allow people to write purposely negative stories. Now, if they want to write them, that’s fine, but I don’t have to let them into my — into the people’s house.”

Sounding bruised, vulnerable, senile, and afraid of the encroaching night, he added “You get sick of it.” Boo fucking hoo!

Years of "unkind coverage"—largely based on his piss poor performance as a corrupt, incompetent, morally vacuous piece of shit—had simply become too much for the delicate constitution of the man who once promised to open up the libel laws.

Trump can probably run from the news a little longer, but with the November Midterms looming ever nearer, he can no longer hide.