THE AMERICAN SKIRMISH OF INDEPENDENCE

 

250 years of gay history

by Colin Liddell

Most history is "gay," by which I mean it is a mess of petty, incontinent, girlish emotions, designed to make morons cry and feel good about themselves, while they are manipulated and enslaved to the schemes of greater men.

Of course, in some cases, such as mobilising nations to fight wars of survival (Ukraine) or just preventing the riff-raff from shitting in the streets, the pride it instils may even be useful and necessary.

But, beyond this childish shadow play that satisfies the kind of people that Trump, Tommy Robinson, and Nigel Farage can effortlessly lead about on a string, some deference has to be paid to actual history, namely the processes, events, and realities that have shaped our World; while downgrading those that haven't had any influence on it. In other words, yes, it's time to take a big, fat dump on America's 250 "Anniversary" celebration and its circle-jerk of self-congratulation.

Let's cut to the chase. The so-called "American War of Independence" was not what we Europeans call a war. It certainly didn't have any battles as such! (Check Malplaquet, Zorndorf, and Waterloo for reference). It was mainly a series of crappy little skirmishes in various godforsaken wooded nooks and manure-infested cornfields, where a few dozen—or at best a few hundred—men died by bullets and bayonets. Many more, it is certain, were killed by dysentery and sheer boredom. 

Despite the astounding triviality and miniscule scale of these events, they have endured centuries of being backloaded with fake historical "significance" by an ever-burgeoning America, desperate and hungry to have some sort of "historical plinth" on which to perch its bloated bag of economic mass.

But the brutal fact is that the so-called "War of Independence" had zero impact on World history, unlike the war that preceded it, the Seven Years War.

Now, if that war had gone differently, all World history would have been altered and followed quite a different path. You can not say the same for the "American War of Independence." If that had never happened, America would eventually have become independent anyway, just like Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and Swaziland. Also, due to economic and demographic bloating, it would probably have become just as big, fat, ugly, and boomerish a state as it has become in the 20th century, although possibly with a better-looking king.

What is even more absurd, however, than the constant "Muh Founding Fathers" backdating of historical importance to this series of trivial skirmishes and inane debates is the ridiculous notion put about by contemporary American morons that the USA somehow "kicked England's ass."

It did not. First of all in the period 1776 to 1781 when the war raged puttered along, there was no such thing as the USA. The Colonies, such as they were, were just as British as Britain. They only later became what we know of as "America" when they let in every piece of riff-raff and human detritus that had a pulse.

Secondly, the so-called "American Skirmish of Independence," if it had any significance at all, was merely as a minor sideshow of the "Second Hundred Years War" between England and France, a global struggle between these two nations that started in 1701 with the War of the Spanish Succession (1702–1713), then continued through the War of the Austrian Succession (1744–1748), the Seven Years War (1756–1763), the Anglo-French War (1778–1783), the French Revolutionary War (1792-1802), and the Napoleonic War (1803–1815), ending in England's epic victory!

Yes, America only became independent because the French, backed up by their cronies the Dutch and Spanish, intervened.

Without French artillery, French troops, French money, and especially French ships (all used at Yorktown), the only hope of the American Revolutionaries was that the English would just get bored traipsing around tedious cornfields and dreary forests. Unlikely, as the English are a nation who watch cricket!

In short and to sum up, the American "War" of Independence was just a skirmish in a much bigger conflict that was temporarily won by the French. "Independence" was then effectively granted to the Americans by the French, who realised that they were not strong enough, especially at sea, to take North America back under their control. If they had been and their victory more complete, then America's proud Revolutionaries and Founding Fathers would doubtlessly ended up rotting in the Bastille or under the blade of the guillotine.