Trump's plan for transforming Venezuela from a corrupt narcostate into an even more corrupt petrostate has rightly been called "brilliant," "astounding," and even "the best ever" all by Donald Trump himself. It is truly awe-inspiring both in its visionary sweep and profound attention to detail. One can only gasp in amazement at the good fortune of the Venzuelan people at being the beneficiaries of such genius.
Here, then, is the full plan, broken down for mere mortals to consume in a step-by-step guide.
Step One: Blow up a lot of shit, kill Cuban guards, kidnap the Chavist President. Fingers crossed!
Step Two: Fuck off out of the country.
Step Three: Ignore the legitimate opposition because they (a) "stole" Trump's Nobel Peace Prize and (b) don't suck up to US oil companies.
Step Four: Pretend to run the country and that US oil companies will soon be arriving.
Step Five: Ignore the story when the Chavists merely appoint another Chavist politician as President with the backing of the Chavist army, and the US oil companies continue stay away due to nothing important having changed in the country.
Step Six: If necessary, distract from this mess (and the Epstein Files) by either attacking Colombia, Cuba, Mexico, or Greenland.
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