In yet another desperate attempt by all White people everywhere to be "special," a White person wanting to be special in America has killed and crucified an elderly pastor, pinning his arms to the bedroom wall behind him, stretched wide, in the form of a crucifixion.
Adam Christopher Sheafe, 51, who had formerly tried to be special by having a giant "Hebrew" neck tattoo, murdered Pastor Bill Schonemann, 76, in April as part of a campaign to achieve "specialness" by killing religious leaders in cruel and interesting ways that would add to his appeal on social media and the dating market.
This is merely the latest in an infinite backlog of White people trying to be "special" either in ways conducive to the advance of World civilization or not.
Sir Alexander Fleming being "special" by discovering a cure for clap just in time for WWII
Scientists have long studied the phenomenon of "every singly White person anywhere trying to be special" and have blamed it on a mysterious condition called "the Faustian Spirit," which seems to afflict only White people, possibly due to a lack of sunlight or a refusal to use chopsticks.
Often this desperate need of all White people everywhere to "stand out a bit" can be channelled into relatively harmless areas, like winning Nobel prizes or adopting weird food fads, such as drinking raw milk infected with botulism, but more often than not it can prove deadly and self-destructive.
For example, last year, a White person in Belarus pumped himself up with steroids so much in an attempt to be "unique and interesting" to the point where he simply exploded into a giant puddle of steaming proteins.
Friends of White people have been urged to keep a vigilant lookout for this disturbing tendency. If you see any White people trying to be special, immediately tell them to calm down and remind them that their chances of being truly special, winning a Nobel Prize, or starting a new religion are actually less than winning the lottery or being hit by lighting.
Often this desperate need of all White people everywhere to "stand out a bit" can be channelled into relatively harmless areas, like winning Nobel prizes or adopting weird food fads, such as drinking raw milk infected with botulism, but more often than not it can prove deadly and self-destructive.
For example, last year, a White person in Belarus pumped himself up with steroids so much in an attempt to be "unique and interesting" to the point where he simply exploded into a giant puddle of steaming proteins.
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