SOYBEARD-WEARING TURBANED FREAK HUNTED DOWN AND KILLED ON THE COLD HEARTLESS PLAINS OF EURASIA

 

Fan of the “Soy-viet Union,” Michael Alexander Gloss RIP

In the latest heart-breaking tragedy to emerge from the shapelessness of the Eurasian land mass, an innocent soybeard-wearing turbaned freak has been cruelly hunted down and killed on the cold heartless plains of Eurasia by a 14-year-old Ukrainian kid with a modified game console operating a drone.

Instead of being a convict or the scrapings of Russia's alcohol-sodden ethnic villages, brutally forced into endless "meatwave" warfare, the turbaned freak was not only a willing American volunteer but also the son of a top-ranking member of the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), Julianne Gallina Gloss. 

The son of CIA-royalty was apparently hunted down and slotted by a large metal mosquito back in April last year. 

It is not clear what attracted the soy-beard-wearing freak to the wide-open, borderless killing zone that is like Xmas every day of the week for drones, but one theory is that it had "mommy issues" and wanted to "define itself" by fighting for "one of mommy's enemy countries" for "shits and giggles."

The irony, however, is that the by the time the story broke, America had switched sides and was fully supporting the Kremlin in its shitty three-year war.

This is not the first time that the formlessness of the Eurasian plain has been involved in the unfortunate killing of a geographically illiterate person, nor will it be the last.