CANDIDATES FOR NEXT HOUSE SPEAKER TOUTED

 

J6 SHAMEN

Considered to be something of an "outsider" by experts on constitutional law, the J6 Shaman would nevertheless be a popular choice among grassroots Republicans who stormed the Capitol building on January 6th 2020 and left a giant, steaming turd on Nancy Pelosi's desk. All it would require to make him House Speaker would be a pardon from the President (in return for more aid to Ukraine) and someone (i.e. Mitch McConnell) vacating his  seat to allow him to actually be appointed to the House. 

TRASHY MAGA SLUT WITH BIG TITS

In the event that J6 Shamen is unwilling to assume the serene duties of House Speaker, Republicans could unite around some trashy MAGA whore with big tits. There are probably at least half-a-dozen of these bimbos in Congress by now, so whichever one it is doesn't really matter, as long as she can also shoot and go to church at the same time. 

SOME BLACK GUY IN A SUIT

If votes are required from across the aisle, House Republicans  couldn't do better than select some Black guy in a suit... from either party. Black guys in suits can now be found at all levels of American politics and society, and tend to have a generally calming influence on their fellow Americans. As an added bonus, a "based one" could be selected, who actually believes in "the Constitution" and "protecting muh Southern border," although this might raise accusations of "Uncle Tom-ism" from House Democrats.