ENGLAND BECOME "GIRLYBALL CHAMPIONS," NATION FORCED TO CELEBRATE

The first one to stop cheering will be shot

Millions of innocent English people have been brutally forced to "celebrate" the nation's Girlyball team winning the Euro Championship.

Girlyball has been compared to men's football, but it is more like girl's hockey without hockey sticks and a slightly bigger ball. 

Although no one is the least bit interested in the high-pitched, low-powered sport, the UK government has decreed that everyone within the borders of the UK must celebrate the obscure sporting triumph before midnight or face death.

This has led to non-stop broadcasts on the state-run BBC  reminiscent of Soviet or North Korean propaganda, with glassy-eyed presenters extolling the "achievements" of the nation's Girlyball Team. Other coercive measures include threatening the nation with Liz "Grotbags" Truss as Prime Minister if they don't comply.

Armed checkpoints have reportedly been set up around the nation's capital city London and other major cities, where jackbooted Thought Police monitor why people are getting "shitfaced." Failure to say things like "I'm getting shitfaced because of our girls" or "Girlyball Macht Frei" may result in an altered social credit score or a shallow grave.